If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
