Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
