Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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