To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
