I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
