I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
