Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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