can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
