I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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