We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
