I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
