Cold hands, warm shart.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
