Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
