It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
