Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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