His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
