"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so that wasnt chicken after all
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
