i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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