you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
