it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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