Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
