Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
