we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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