just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
