I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
