I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
