He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Everyone says I win the strip club
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
