So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
