my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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