C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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