i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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