he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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