I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
