If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
