umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
