i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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