I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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