found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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