matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
