wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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