id be glad to
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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