I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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