You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
COCAINE IS GR8
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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