We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
