just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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