i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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