let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
