Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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