now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
