i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
