he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
