Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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