it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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