i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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