I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I deserve this hangover.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
