Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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