I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
