It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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