Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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