she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
