She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
