Are we in a gay sports bar?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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