I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
