she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
