Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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