You made me cry and you don't even care
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
