Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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