based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Barsexuality is the new black.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
