I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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