I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You pole danced in your parka.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
