You work out of a Hotel?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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